“Why now !?”
"Just tell Nah"
"Understanding that someone is not what you know,
but just a mask. That's from personal experience. There are many more painful
things, but I can only tell from what I know. Why again!!"
“If there is no pain then it’s not life”
“What got into you all of a sudden!”
“I’m thinking the same. Why this beautiful night is
making my heart twist in pain…”
“Hey, do you sing!”
Diverting her mind from all that pain was the only
option that came to my mind.
“I don’t want to ruin this night. Do you?” there was a
small curve on her lips.
"I don't…I just…u know…Whenever I play music I
sing along. Sometimes silently and sometimes loudly, annoying everyone within
earshot. The lyrics will probably be what I hear and the victims of this
torture are mostly my mom, dad, and brother. I love the fact that there will
always be a song running in my mind whenever I stay silent for a while"
I knew I was blabbering but I had to say something to
lift the mood and making myself an idiot felt like the best option.
There was a wide curve on her lips, but still, there
was a pain in her eyes. She turned her eyes to the sea again.
I sat up and decided to talk her out of it.
“Hey”
“What?”
"You always say one should not think about the
past and force open the wounds that are trying to heal, but now you are…"
“I’m just thinking about me shinu. Not my past.”
I looked at her with eyes that demand more
explanation.
“I’m leaving this place soon.”
“To where?”
“To college…”
“Oh…”
That was a relief, though I didn't like the fact that
she won't be there within a few kilometers.
“What are you going to do?”
“That exactly was the question I was looking forward
to answer.” She understood the sarcasm in my tone.
“Seriously!!”
“I don’t know yaar. I'm contacting many photographers
through the mail, asking for an assistant post and you know my luck."
“It will all be ok one day. Don’t worry”
“All I want to do is travel and see the world chippi.
Forests, mountains, deserts, oceans…capturing the essence in my mind and
camera…”
“I understand. Same here”
She started staring at the sea again and I was getting
afraid of my overthinking so I took my phone to stare at something different
that will take my mind off everything. My inbox was flooded with messages that
I never bothered enough to answer as I knew it will either be to ask for some
favor or help or to inform me that I am way behind them.
She took a glance at my phone and exclaimed
“160 messages!!”
“Yah, I rarely reply”
“Why?”
“They are not important. Else they will call”
“Isn’t there anyone waiting for your reply!!”
“Nope”
“Okay…”
She waited for a few minutes and asked
“Shinu, can I see Aneesa’s picture?”
“Yeah” It was easy to find from my gallery as I
occasionally stare at them.
“Hmm…pretty”
“What’s the point in having a beautiful face if it’s
to hide an evil mind !!”
"Well, that I can agree to. I do have experience
in being betrayed by beautiful faces" I tried to hide a pity smile.
“So…” I looked at her with my eyebrows raised.
“So what?”
“Show me”
“What!!”
"The Kohinoor hid in your house. Come on yaar…”
“I have to!!”
“Well I did”
“Okay…”
She unblocked him on a social media platform and
showed me his profile. I was actually surprised by the fact that she have
nothing of him on her phone. I have a long way to go…Or am I in a phase of
acceptance that it's okay to miss someone and still hate them with all my
guts!!
"Handsome will definitely be an understatement"
I pulled myself from my thoughts and complimented her taste.
“And evil will also be”
“And the fool, he definitely is” I added and she smiled at
my comment but entered the silent zone after that.
I assumed that I got her to the very same place she
never wanted to be and decided to be silent with her. But soon I was irritated
by my thoughts. So picked up my phone and played a soothing 90’s Tamil song by
AR Rahman. Nothing but AR Rahman can calm an irritated mind.
Suddenly, as portrayed by many directors and writers,
she leaned to rest her head on my shoulder. I was stuck for a moment, but then
I held her head with my other hand in a comforting way. After a while, as I
found the tides approaching the tripod, I woke her up from that position and grabbed
my equipments in hurry. There were some nice shots, but she was apparently in
some other world.
“Shall we go!!” I asked after waiting for some time to
see if she was trying to push out of that state, and was clueless.
She shook her head in a yes.
When we were about to say goodbye she stood in front
of me, directly looking into my eyes, holding the handlebars of the bike just a
few inches away from my hand, and said,
"Thank you for your shoulder, tea ride, and a
safe space to clear my heart. I feel so light now and I haven't been since you
know mom…. I'm sorry for the silent zones I walked into and I really mean
it"
I just pressed her hands and nodded it's okay.
The tea ride became a routine then. As we grew
comfortable with each other, there were many AR Rahman sessions during the bike
journey (we synced in our talent to be terrible singers and it was amazing),
discussions on whatever we found interesting, trying different foods-mostly
common to me, but not for her- and hours of silence on places that we felt to
be.
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