Language of Love [P10]

 

I looked at her and stopped walking.

‘Shahana, I don’t know whom to trust and whom not to. Many have used me and some even cheated me. I know this isn’t me and that I shouldn’t be like this. Sometimes I do think all I need is someone to ask how I’m doing and I will confess all that’s hurting me. But I ended up changing the topic every time someone tried to help me. I really don’t know what’s in my mind these days.

I looked into her eyes and got a weird feeling that she already knew how much I’m suffering.

“Shinu are you ok?”

“Never mind…I can handle this”

“Okey...Shall we go somewhere?”

“Yeah...I have no other plans. So fine…”

“Ok…let’s go then”

We walked to the bus stop in silence and got on the bus as it came.

There wasn’t much rush and so we ended up sitting in nearby seats.

I had no idea what was in her mind and some part of me was lingering in an 'I don't care mood'. But when she asked for a nearby beach to the conductor, a soft smile erupted from my lips and so did from the conductor's though both were for different reasons. As he told her that she is traveling in the opposite direction of the sea and made her take tickets to Sakthan stand, I was thinking about what made her think of the one place I would want to go now.

I poked her and gave her my share as she turned. She took the money and smiled at me with all her teeth, making it hard for me to control my smile.

"You know… I can take you to the beach if you want…" I cheekily said to her.

“Look… one day I will learn about this entire area and will take you anywhere”

“You know that humans don’t live a century right?!”

She gave a hard knock on my head and I smiled at her massaging my head.

“we will see” she took it as a challenge and turned her face to the front.

Before I could get lost in my thoughts the bus reached Sakthan stand.

As we boarded the bus to thriprayar, there was only one window seat available and I hurried towards it only to notice shahana was approaching the seat too. I really wanted some soft wind on my face to sort my miseries but I let my pace down when I saw her. She smiled at my sudden slow pace and motioned her eyes to imply that I can take the window seat. I gave her a big ‘yiii thanks' smile and took the seat. She sat next to me and seemed to be interested in the people around us. I started zoning out with all that was haunting me. Her question triggered something in me and it had no intention to settle down. It's been a while since I tried to remember all this…I didn't realize that she was staring at me with panic in her eyes.

“Shinu, what happened?!”

“Nothing”

“What’s in your mind?!”

“I think I lost myself. Somewhere…”

“Why all of a sudden…!!”

“It’s not me”

“That much I figured”

“Yeah” I had nothing else to say.

“Shinu… I know you are chasing your dreams and you are very dedicated to that. But it’s not going to be easy if you are stuck somewhere. I don’t even get why you are like this”

I had no answer for that and so I pretended to be interested in the view outside. I could tell that she had her gaze on me and it kind of made me turn my eyes towards hers.

“You are afraid!!”

“Huh!!!” I really didn’t get what she meant by that.

 “Yes you are afraid”

"Ok, that's some serious accusation to make about someone you barely know."

"Let's see…You are afraid of losing people who love you or whom you love the most. And you are afraid of getting hurt or hurting someone you love. And all these fears started when she stepped out of your life."

“You are really good at making stories dude”

“Don’t try to hide shinu. I went through your whole profile and found her. The first post you made in your profile… Aneesa right!!”

The name I always wish to forget…

“It ended a while back and is a beautiful memory now. That’s it. Nothing more”

"From your problems, it's clear that you are still living in those memories. You are afraid of reality and the people around you. That's making you be this version of you that even you don't like."

“Maybe”

She waited for a moment and asked

“So she left you!!”

“I’m still not sure what happened between us.”

She didn’t ask anything more.

"Once you are hurt, you will never be the same. It will change you forever. No one understands that. Of course, I have healed, but that doesn't mean I will be able to live like all that never happened in my life. I'm sure that people who say they can do so are being true to themselves."

She had a pity smile on her lips. I wasn’t sure whether that was for me or herself.

“Shinu…When I lost my mom, there was this huge void in my heart and though the pain subsided over time, that void is still there. There was this stage when I was like you. And that's why I don't have anyone close. It's painful to lose people whom you love and it can make you never want to love anyone because you can't bear losing them. But all that we can, and have to do in this life is love. Try to love everyone without expecting anything back. It will solve most of your problems. And being alone isn’t that painful. Once you start enjoying it, you will be able to love everyone without any fear”

I nodded at her words trying to let that all sink in.

Time started moving slowly and I felt like time travel is possible as from her face it was clear that both of us are in our past.

All of a sudden she asked me

“Can I ask you something!! My curiosity is making it hard for me to not ask.”

“Yes Please.”

“If it’s ok, can you tell me how you two…you know met and all…”

continues....

language of love